I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have feelings that need drinking.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
