From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Found your dick twin last night
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
