One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
