if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
