I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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