dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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