i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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