You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
