you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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