your thong is hanging out like whoa
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
