We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
