Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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