help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
