pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize