dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
