Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
