Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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