Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
