between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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