i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
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We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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