I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.