he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.