im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
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This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.