Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.

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(613): View more from Ontario

had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off

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(952): View more from Minnesota

history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(513): View more from Ohio

both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage

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(720): View more from Colorado

She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right

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