My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
