Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow

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  (773): I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/1xbr
  Replies (17) Good night (3609) Bad night (1005)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Because you touch yourself at night.

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  (480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working? (325): Because you touch yourself at night. http://tfl.nu/lm5u
  Replies (14) Good night (3350) Bad night (1060)
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  (530): View more from California

  So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.

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  (530): So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention. http://tfl.nu/8fhv
  Replies (11) Good night (1180) Bad night (4145)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.

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  (718): Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober. http://tfl.nu/eick
  Replies (13) Good night (6662) Bad night (1722)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.

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  (785): I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers. http://tfl.nu/hlo3
  Replies (6) Good night (2399) Bad night (1237)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.

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  (808): He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that. http://tfl.nu/smq4
  Replies (6) Good night (2273) Bad night (1096)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk

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  (847): First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/kqu6
  Replies (6) Good night (2997) Bad night (1359)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.

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  (575): I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable. http://tfl.nu/vijz
  Replies (3) Good night (1518) Bad night (1044)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow

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  (203): The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow http://tfl.nu/7yz5
  Replies (7) Good night (748) Bad night (1127)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.

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  (860): Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves. http://tfl.nu/jaio
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (409)
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  (716): View more from New York

  nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.

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  (716): nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart. http://tfl.nu/xzee
  Replies (1) Good night (685) Bad night (325)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.

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  (252): We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day. http://tfl.nu/bkmj
  Replies (2) Good night (994) Bad night (439)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?

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  (905): So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night? http://tfl.nu/yq72
  Replies (3) Good night (1111) Bad night (328)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash

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  (516): Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash http://tfl.nu/gbbj
  Replies (7) Good night (884) Bad night (378)
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  (510): View more from California

  But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.

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  (510): But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming. http://tfl.nu/5mbe
  Replies (2) Good night (1243) Bad night (283)

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