I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip