I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
40s are totally the cure
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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