Texts From Last Night

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  (251): View more from Alabama

  the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.

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  (251): the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville. http://tfl.nu/cwli
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!

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  (708): you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas! http://tfl.nu/ibug
  Replies (10) Good night (5543) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.

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  (413): I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick. http://tfl.nu/84fo
  Replies (15) Good night (1917) Bad night (6420) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.

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  (219): She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over. http://tfl.nu/obg8
  Replies (21) Good night (4078) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous

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  (978): The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous http://tfl.nu/iens
  Replies (15) Good night (5210) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.

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  (410): I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in. http://tfl.nu/o54w
  Replies (2) Good night (1730) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He made me a "booty call of the year" award.

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  (360): He made me a "booty call of the year" award. http://tfl.nu/7b1z
  Replies (15) Good night (3676) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.

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  (303): I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower. http://tfl.nu/2fah
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend

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  (775): she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend http://tfl.nu/wdj0
  Replies (8) Good night (1007) Bad night (1938) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.

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  (978): I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call. http://tfl.nu/ftpa
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  (420): View more from

  I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.

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  (420): I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me. http://tfl.nu/1hem
  Replies (5) Good night (2820) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?

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  (615): Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes? http://tfl.nu/jms8
  Replies (48) Good night (767) Bad night (5385)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."

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  (480): In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.." http://tfl.nu/m3fa
  Replies (6) Good night (2699) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil

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  (507): I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil http://tfl.nu/ueg4
  Replies (7) Good night (758) Bad night (1511) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.

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  (541): We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash. http://tfl.nu/8hyq
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt

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