haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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