he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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