Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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