i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure