there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with