i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere