Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.