How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?