I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?