sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
