we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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