Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize