Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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