Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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