i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
