Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
