FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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