So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
