I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
