i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
