I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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