laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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