I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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