You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
