Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Text me some of your sweat
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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