it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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