I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
