very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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