I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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