i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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