i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
