do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
