the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
