You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize