having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
