Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
