I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
