i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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