Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
