1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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