I could make wine with my vomit
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
