So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
