it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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