i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
