k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
