There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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