Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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