taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
