I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
