totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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