need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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