I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
