At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
