Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
