Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
