i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
