so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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