I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
